Christian Advice

Boyfriend on the Block

Dear Pastor Jeff,

Hi Jeff! I emailed you a couple months back about the issue of my boyfriend hanging up promiscuous pictures of women in his shop. Well here I am again to discuss a new, much more serious issue.

My boyfriend is a 25 year old and a strong Christian. We go to church every Sunday, as well as bible study. We live a pretty normal life and try to follow God’s way all of the time. Well, my boyfriend’s friends are not very active in the church but every year they all go to Baltimore to watch the Orioles play. Well, they typically leave on a Friday and don’t come home until Sunday afternoon. To be honest with you, I have been dreading this trip since December because I knew what happened last year (we have been together 15 months). My boyfriend was very honest with me last year and told me that when he and his friends go there they always end up going to strip clubs while they are there. Well I educated myself a little bit and learned that downtown Baltimore has this area called “The Block” which is apparently riddled with crime, drugs, prostitution, and strip clubs. I also learned that a lot of those strip clubs actually allow the prostitution to take place. The article said that rather than combat it, the cops try to keep it contained to this one area. I do appreciate my boyfriend’s continuous honesty but I was shocked at what he told me just a couple of weeks ago. He told me that his single friends (there are 3) actually pay to have sex with these women. Apparently you can just pay enough money and basically get whatever you want! Well, it upset me that my boyfriend didn’t tell me that when he got back from his trip last year. I find his friends’ behavior disgusting and despicable and I cannot believe he actually wants to hang out with these types of guys. He says, “Well they don’t get that any other time so that’s what they look forward to.” I feel as if he is condoning this behavior by accompanying them to these places. He keeps saying that I should trust him and know that he won’t do anything like that while he is there…I want to say, “hello!! Are you serious, that’s not what I’m worried about I just don’t see the need in you going there!

The time has come and the trip is already planned for this year. They are going in two weeks and I want to cry just thinking about it. My boyfriend knows that I am upset at where they will end up (he certainly doesn’t have to tell me this time, I already know). He says he just wants to go and hang out with the boys and that is where they end up going so he just tags along. I do believe him that this is the case; however, I would not sit back and watch my friends do anything like what his friends are doing. And I don’t mean watch in a literal sense; I just mean that I would tell them that they shouldn’t do that and that it is very dangerous to their bodies, etc. I really love this man and he is almost perfect except for this. I know we all have our faults and our issues but I would honestly never ever go anywhere that I thought would make him uncomfortable; until now. Now I am already thinking things such as, “well if he doesn’t care enough to respect my feelings, then I will just have to go do something that I know would bother him.” And I am not really going to do that, and I do not even like thinking that. I just don’t know how someone can say that they love you and want to be with you yet disregard something that you feel strongly about. I do not want to leave him and I do not want to control him or tell him where he can or cannot go, however, I do not think that it is fair for me to have to be ok with something that I am not ok with. I do not want to argue with him about this but now I am dreading spring time b/c I know what trip will be soon to follow and I am so angry at him for making me feel like this. I seriously was thinking about this trip like 3 months ago.

I know that I am suppose to forgive, accept others, love others for who they are, etc. as the Bible teaches. However, when is it too much? When does constantly allowing something that you don’t agree with turn you into a door mat rather than just an understanding and forgiving girlfriend? I am hoping this is something he will grow out of but I am worried about marrying someone hoping they will change and then realizing later that they will not. I really need you to help me with this; I just don’t know what I should do.

Thank you so much for your time,

Amy

Dear Amy,

Thank you for your email. I remember your earlier email.

Your boyfriend is ignoring some very important biblical truths. I Corinthians 15:33 says, "Do not be misled: 'Bad company corrupts good character.'" Proverbs 13:20 says, "He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm." Proverbs 29:3 says, "A man who loves wisdom brings joy to his father, but a companion of prostitutes squanders his wealth." (My guess is that these trips are not cheap!)

I assume he is missing the worship services of his church, since he comes back on Sunday afternoon. That, also, is not a small matter.

By going with his friends to "the Block," your boyfriend has put himself in a place where he could easily be tempted to sin. But the Holy Scriptures teach us to flee temptation. At the very least, he is likely to engage in lust, while he watches his friends involved in what they probably think is a "good time." At worst, he will engage in a much more serious sin, no matter what he says now. This shows a lack of judgment, and a flaw in his character, that is not likely to go away soon. Are you prepared to deal with this? You know what you are getting, when you get him.

You cannot change your boyfriend. Over time, he may change, because God can change anyone. Whether you want to wait around to see if this happens or not, is entirely up to you. If I were in your shoes, I would probably start looking elsewhere for a potential husband. There are a lot of great Christian guys out there. But the choice is yours.

Pray that God will give you the wisdom you need. Pray that God will give your boyfriend the wisdom and the courage he needs to live a life that is godly and holy.

Thank you again.

Pastor Jeff

Angry Father

Dear Pastor Jeff,

I have never really done this before, but I guess that there is a 1st time for everything.

I grew up in a Christian home where my older sister and I were raised in the Baptist Church on the east coast. My dad was a pastor for about 11 yrs.and my mom served along side of him in ministry, later to become a nurse. After moving to Texas in 1985 my dad had to find alternative work and started his own business as a personal contract builder and repair man. At this present time for over that last 10 plus years I still attend church when I can. I have to work Sunday which makes it very difficult. What I need your advice with is this. My dad has a terrible temper and can lose it any where anytime. Growing up after my sister had gone away to college and my mom was working he would take his anger out on me. It was mainly verbal but there were a few time where I was not safe. My mom would always tell me to listen to him but I think that was a was she was protecting herself from him. My sister is married now and has 3 kids of her own but does not have much to do with our dad. I can't say that I blame her. At one point after I finished college I came back home to find a job. The terrorist attacks had just happened from 9-11 and I was looking for work. My dad said if I didn't find a job in x-amount of days I was out the door. So I found my self living in my car and all I had in boxes. After meeting a girl in a Bible study she invited me to live with her and her dad in a apartment. I stayed there a few months after finding work from another friend at a nearby mall. So much has happened I could go on and on. My dad reads the bible with my mom every night. But somehow I wonder if any of it actually makes it to his brain. How can a person who knows God as a Christian be so hateful. I continue to pray to God to help me forgive him daily. However the deep pain and burden of his hate and anger toward me still continue. He has expressed to me many times either verbally or physically threats me that I will never be a good enough daughter for him.

I never did drugs, I don't steal, and have never been in jail. Somehow he finds that I will never be a good daughter for him. Doesn't a person who believes in God show attributes of Gods character? Like, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, and so on. I don't see any of these qualities in him. What can you tell me from this?

Thanks for your time,

Kristi

Dear Kristi,

Thank you for your email.

Ephesians 5:1 says, "Therefore be imitators of God as dear children." I John 4:7-8 says, "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love." Galatians 5:22-23 says, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control." Meanwhile, Galatians 5:20 says that "outbursts of wrath" are works of the flesh. So, if your father is a Christian, should you expect him to imitate God, by forsaking anger and demonstrating love and self-control? Yes!

My advice is to talk to your father about your concerns. (Study Proverbs 27:5-6, Galatians 6:1 and Matthew 18:15-18 to see your duty about this.) Wait for a time when he is relaxed, and likely to be receptive to whatever you want to say to him. As you speak to him, remember the words of the fifth commandment: "Honor thy father and thy mother." Show him respect in all of your dealings with him. Let your father know that you are concerned about his spiritual welfare. Gently encourage him to greater godliness. It is possible that your father would benefit from Christian counseling. At some point, you may need to talk to your father's pastor about your concerns. It is very possible that someone outside your family could give your father the help he needs. Sometimes, fathers have a great deal of trouble taking advice from their children; still, I think you should try to help him. My hope is that you father will seek forgiveness--from God, from you, from his wife, and from his other family members.

Above all, put your trust in the Lord Jesus Christ. Ask God, in the name of Jesus, to give you the wisdom and patience you need to be a loving and dutiful daughter. And pray for your father, asking God to give him grace, so that your father will show forth the fruit of the Holy Spirit in his life.

Your earthly father did not love you as much as he should. On the other hand, know that your heavenly Father loves you more than you can possibly understand, if you are truly His child!

Pastor Jeff

Abortion?

Dear Pastor Jeff,

I am an 18 year old girl who has recently found out she is pregnant. The pregnancy was not planned and I am not happy about it in the slightest. Aside from the huge life changing implications due to this piece of knowledge, I have an additional worry. My mum is very mentally unstable with almost what I would describe as a phobia of any of her children becoming young mums. She has been put on suicide watch over Christmas, but went on holiday a few weeks ago and since then seems to have improved.

Until a few years ago I had very strong Christian morals including no sex outside of marriage and being anti-abortion/pro-life. I have drifted from
God since then and I now find myself in this current situation.

I don't know what to do. If I had the baby I would struggle to cope, but worse and what's worrying me most right now is my mums reaction, it could
very well kill her. Bearing this in mind should abortion be considered? I have also considered adoption, but this would involve telling my mum. If I brought the child up I do not think I am emotionally or financially equipped to give it all the best opportunities in life. Everyone around me is putting pressure on me to get it aborted, my friends and boyfriend (although he says he will support me either way).

I am 5 weeks gone and time is of the essence. A speedy response would be appreciated. I have until Wednesday to decide.

Please help me.

Kristian

Dear Kristian,

I am very sorry for your troubles.

Abortion is a very wicked sin. Every unborn baby is a living human being, created by God in His image. Killing the baby would be murder. Please, please, do not abort your baby!

Please contact a crisis pregnancy center in your area. You can usually find one by looking under "Abortion Alternatives" or "Crisis Pregnancy Center" in the yellow pages of your phone book. Tell a counselor there exactly what you have already told me. If you cannot find a crisis pregnancy center in your area, please let me know, so I can help you find one.

Also, if you feel comfortable doing so, please tell your pastor what you have told me. If talking to your pastor is not an option, maybe you could talk to some mature Christian leader in your church.

In the meantime, please pray that God would give you the wisdom and the grace you need.

Thanks again for your email. If I can do anything else to help, please contact me again. You can reach me by email, or at (573) 564-3345.

Pastor Jeff

Doubting Religion

Dear Pastor Jeff,

I need your advice on some problems I'm having, but first allow me to tell you a little bit about myself. I'm 24 years old and I consider myself to be a believer in God and Jesus Christ, but I consider myself to be a horrible Christian. I do not attend church every Sunday, and according to the scripture, I am constantly surrounding myself in sin. A few of these sins consist of smoking cigarettes (which I know are slowly killing me, but finding it difficult to find the motivation to quit), I drink socially, I use profanity, etc. But on the other hand, I'm not a criminal or a thief, nor do I consider myself to treat others differently or unfairly.

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend of 23 for a little over a year. Things are going at a pretty reasonable pace; not fast, but productive. We are working towards our college degrees without really putting each other first, allowing both of us to experience personal growth without the setback. We are also very aware that because we are young have yet to establish distinguished careers/professions, our relationship may not work out in the long run. Needless to say, the reason why I'm explaining all this is because it's not my intension to reproduce until marriage and not until I find emotional/financial stability in my life, which I think is the right thing to do for myself and for any child of mine that may be brought into this world. I also need to add that she is very into Christianity because of her upbringing, and has managed to talk me into attending our local Lutheran church more regularly.

My girlfriend and I engage in pre-marital sex on a regular basis. And just to be completely honest, I've had sex with many women in the young life that I've lived, and I really enjoy sex. Of course, some of the girls I've had sex with I regret, some I'm glad they happened. At any rate, I gather that engaging in pre-marital sex is a sin according to the scripture, but I just don't think I can eliminate it from my life. I have not discussed abstinence with my girlfriend, but I highly doubt she could do that either.

Because I seem to think about all these sins I'm committing on a regular basis, I tend to find myself doubting religion only because it makes me feel like everything I'm doing in my life, I'm disappointing Him. This, of course, leads me to question whether or not I am a true Christian, to which I always reply "..I must be, I believe in God, Heaven, Hell, sin... so I must be a Christian." I guess what I'm seeking from you is some direction. Am I talking crazy? Am I the only person on Earth that feels this way? What is it that I can do to help me refrain from feeling this way? Any advice on ANY of these subjects I touched on would be greatly appreciated. I am looking very forward to hearing back from you.

Mark

Dear Mark,

Thank you for your email.

Are you a Christian? I do not know. Please realize that someone can "believe in God, Heaven, Hell, sin" etc., yet not be a Christian. James 2:19 says, "You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder." The Bible demonstrates that the demons also have an understanding of who Jesus is, and what He will do on the day of Judgment, yet they are obviously not Christians.

A Christian is someone who believes that Jesus Christ died to atone for their sins on the cross of Calvary, and was resurrected from the dead. They also believe that, because Jesus did this, they have forgiveness of sins, and eternal life with God, in His name. Christians believe Jesus Christ is coming again in glory, to judge every man and every woman. They confess that Jesus Christ is both their Savior and Lord. They seek to obey the word of God, not in order to be saved, but in order to please the Lord, to whom they have committed themselves.

Any sin is displeasing and offensive to the Lord. Sin that is committed deliberately and willfully is especially heinous and grievous to God. If you know that premarital sex is a sin, and yet continue to do it, how can you be said to confess Jesus Christ as Lord? No one is perfect, but anyone who willfully rebels against Him is His enemy, not His follower.

Put your trust in the Lord Jesus Christ. Repent of all of your sins, including the sin of premarital sex. Give as much thought to your eternal destiny, as you now do to your earthly career.

If you have any other questions or comments, please contact me again.

Pastor Jeff

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Baby?

Pastor Jeff,

I saw your website and wanted to contact you for solid Christ like advice.

I have a beautiful family, wonderful husband and about to move into a gorgeous home. I am very happy with my life in general, however, I have almost a "physical need" to have 1 additional child. We are a blended family - "his, mine and ours". 2 children live 1 state away from my husband's first marriage (15 and 8), my daughter (9) lives with us and we have a 2 year old son. I work from my home as well as part time as a professor at the local Comm college and my husband is active duty enlisted
marine (15 years in). He is 35 and I am 32.

Having 1 additional child is really one of the only things we have between
us. In general, the only other issue we discuss that we do not agree on is
him going Warrant Officer instead of staying enlisted... it would increase
his retirement pay by an additional $1,000 a month plus raises for the rest
of his life... but he does not want to do that... we do not "argue" over
this, but it is an "issue" we discuss and do not agree on... I just simply
do not "understand it"... I'm willing to support him no matter what he
decides, however I know the "black in white" and he knows the "feeling" of
the pride of remaining enlisted and rising through the ranks... I am very
proud of his rank and his accomplishments but the $2,000 extra a month
while active duty and $1,000 a month extra at retirement? yea, its black
and white to me... he has passion about it and I see it black and white. However, I truly feel that if he "gets his way" then its no big deal. I don't agree, but I realize its HIS career... it affects us greatly as a
family, but its HIS career. But, an addition child... there is no compromise... you cannot be "1/2 way Warrant officer" just like you cannot be "1/2 way pregnant". One of us has to give, but I feel passionately about it and he sees it in black and white...

Otherwise we truly get along great and our relationship is very solid.

I just feel so "angry and hurt" with him about the issue of another child.
I truly feel we should try for one more... explaining this is like trying to
explain why you get thirsty or hungry... I just can't explain WHY and HOW
MUCH I want this to my husband.

So we are at a major impasse.... I love this man. I know he loves me. However, this issue really makes me angry with him... it makes me hurt physically (like he's rejecting me? rejecting my "future child"? it sounds
crazy I know...). I literally feel and ache around my heart when I think
about this issue. I feel sick to my stomach when explaining this or thinking about it. Its a huge deal to me. We have a very blessed sexual relationship, however, he is so very fearful of having an additional child,
that we use condoms every single time as well as I am on the pill. I feel
"rejected" every time we make love. Make sense? I truly enjoy making love,
but sometimes I want to avoid it, or even stop in the middle bcz my heart
hurts and I feel like my body is rejecting HIM because he is rejecting me
by using a condom.... (I truly do NOT want to have an "unplanned
pregnancy"... I want it to be "oh great! you're pregnant", not "I've gotta
get out of here to air my head out, you're pregnant").

I am praying that God take this desire/need/want from me. There are SO
MANY women that cannot' have children, and I have 2 children living with me
that I gave birth to. I am SO BLESSED. I have a good husband in every
other manner. I have a GREAT LIFE. I feel like I'm being selfish to want
this SO BADLY and him NOT WANT THIS SO BADLY... but its so "in me" that's like being angry at myself for being a woman instead of being a man... or
something else that I cannot control...

What can I do? I do not want to manipulate him. I do not want to beg,
nag or otherwise cold shoulder him (at least 1-2 days a week we "argue"
over this and cold shoulder... I do not want to cry, yell and plead so the
only way to keep my emotions inside is to "pull away" emotionally...I am a
passionate person and I do NOT want to yell or argue over this...). I want
PEACE in my heart and in my family. I want to be DONE and not have the
desire for another child OR I want a happy husband that changes his mind
and if we are blessed to have another one, says "I am so excited we are
having another child"!

God is SO MUCH BIGGER THAN ALL OF THIS. I know it. But it doesn't change
the hurt, feeling of rejection and otherwise strife in our marriage here and now. God has delivered me from SO MUCH in my life. We are together and I feel SO LUCKY in every other way. How do I lay this aside? How do I drop it and move on? I wish there was a pill or a tape to listen to or book to read (and yes, I do read my bible as does He!) something that would totally remove this from me but its not a quick fix... I do understand that, but how do I get through this NOW and not hurt my marriage and relationship now and in the future?

Please advise me...

(P.S. Marriage counseling is totally out. He will not consider it.
Period).

Lisa

Dear Lisa,

Thank you for your email. I am sorry for the delay in responding.

Your desire for another child is natural and normal. God seems to have
created many women with a desire to have babies. Furthermore, the Bible
says, "Be fruitful and multiply." And the world certainly needs more
Christians in it.

However, you are obligated to submit to your husband in this matter. He is
the head of your household. (Please read Ephesians 5 about this.) Having
another baby is a major development that would affect the whole family and
everyone in it. This is the kind of decision both of you need to be agreed
about.

Please do not feel hurt and angry about not having another child. I do not
know the reason your husband does not want another child, but my guess is
that he is not trying to offend or reject you in any way.

If you are a Christian, you can know for certain that God loves you! All
the acceptance and love you will ever need are already yours. Pray that God
will give you the grace you need to love your husband, and to submit to the
will of God in this matter and all others.

Thank you again.

Funeral Confusion

Dear Pastor Jeff,

I am in need of some advice.

My mother has cancer and is very near death. We are very active at our church, she is a pillar of the church and just received Elder Emeritus status.

The problem is that she does not care for our minister and does not want him to preside over her funeral. We have struggled with the minister for 10 years, we have always tried to be gracious to him even though we have felt that he has not been a shepherd or spiritual leader for the church. I am an elder and my sister is the Director of Christian Education. The minister is retiring in 18 days, we have always said that we want to see him finish his ministry on a positive note. I do not know if my mother is going to make it 18 days. How do I tell the minister who has been at the church the past 10 years that she does not want him to preside over her funeral?

I am very distraught over this, not wanting to hurt him, yet also not wanting to go against mom’s wishes. I would hate for him to end his ministry this way.

Please offer any advice you have on how you think I should handle this.

In Christ,

Cora

Dear Cora,

Thank you very much for your email.

I am very sorry to learn about your mother's illness. I hope that, in the remaining days of her earthly existence, she will know the peace and comfort that only the true God can give.

As you think about this, remember that the purpose of the funeral will be to give comfort and encouragement to the living. It is certainly not a time to express your or your mother's dissatisfaction with the minister. Unless you have actually promised your mother that a different minister will preside at the funeral, I do not see anything wrong with using your regular minister.

There is another possibility, however. You might consider using two ministers, one of whom is your regular pastor. These two ministers might share the service. For example, one minister could pray, another minister could give the message. I do not know your minister, of course, but very few ministers would mind sharing the responsibilities at a funeral. If you want to tell your mother that the other minister is presiding, that would be okay, it seems to me.

Please put your trust in the Lord Jesus Christ. Ask God, in the name of Christ, to give you wisdom and patience. Ask God to give your mother the peace and assurance she needs in her dying days. And be sure to love and respect your pastor, whatever you decide to do about the funeral.

Pastor Jeff

Do Fences Make Good Neighbors?

Pastor Jeff,

We have two neighbors and their back yards face our side yard. Both neighbors have put their fences on our property in order to square their yards off and to make them larger.

Is it unchristian to ask them to move their fences onto their property lines? Or should we just let them have it?

Neighbors

Dear Neighbors,

Thank you for your email.

How far does the fence come onto your property? Is it possible that your neighbors do not even know they have built the fence on your property?

If you say nothing, will you eventually lose part of your property? You might want to consult a lawyer about your legal rights in this situation.

Unless your neighbors have taken over a large amount of your property, I would say nothing. I do not think the Bible teaches that it would be a sin to ask your neighbors to move their fence, but you should remember the words of Romans 12:18: "If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men."

Pray for your neighbors. And pray for yourself, that you would reflect and demonstrate the love of God in all of your dealings with them.

Remember, you have an inheritance waiting for you in heaven, if you are trusting in the Lord Jesus Christ. This world, and everything in it, is very small and puny compared to that!

Pastor Jeff

Gambling Husband

Dear Pastor Jeff,

Thank you for providing this service, and taking time to serve others in this way. I am grateful and I'm sure you have helped many people. May the Holy Spirit be with you as you reach out to those who seek your
advice, and may the Spirit find a permanent home in each heart you have
touched.

I need advice please, and would appreciate your prayers. I recently discovered that my husband has a gambling addiction and secretly ran up $16,000+ in credit card debt. He ran up the debt on an online gambling website. I do not know for sure right now, if there is more debt than
that or not. I am very distraught about the situation. About the gambling, about the deception, about my husband's relationship with God, about my role in this situation.

Let me say that I am not filled with angry, I cannot judge my husband as I certainly have sinned in my life, and no one sin is greater than another to God. Sin is just sin. Foremost, I am sad about what
happened, and I am worried and fearful about the consequences of a gambling addiction on our relationship with God, our family, and our marriage, our future.

Questions:
1. What is the role of a Christian wife in these circumstances?
I love my husband and I believe in our vows; through sickness and in
health, to death do us part. Over the next weeks and months, I do not
know how to act.

2. Should I question him to check on any further gambling? I do not
want to feel suspicious and mistrustful of him all the time, but I also
want to support him in stopping all gambling.

3. What should I do about helping him to pay off the debt? Should I
get a 2nd job? He works construction and is 53-years old. He is
extremely tired when he gets home and I don't think he can physically
handle another job.

4. How can I prevent future gambling problems and protect my children
and our home from further loss?

5. What can I do, practically, to improve the situation? I know that
I am not capable of solving any problem, only God can do that, and no
problem or circumstance is too big for God to handle. I pray for God's
will and direction to be laid upon my heart. Can you offer me any
practical advice on what to do?

Pastor Jeff, God has had such a transforming effect on my life. In
the past years since I was saved, everything in my life got better - my
friendships, my work, my relationships with my extended family, my
outlook, everything. I thirst for the WORD and attend church three
times a week and 2 Bible Studies. I am so grateful for all that God
has blessed me with, and blessed my family with. I worry, though, as I
thought my husband shared these same feelings and was growing
spiritually along with me. This discovery of the gambling problem and
the huge debt that we cannot afford to pay has thrown me for a loop. I
want to go forward and do the right thing. What should I do?

Thank you for listening, Pastor Jeff. If you can offer any advice, I would be grateful.

If you post this on your web site, I ask that you do not use my real
name. It's fairly unusual and I do not want to cause my husband any
embarrassment.

Your sister in Christ,

Dear J.,

Thank you for your email.

As you consider what to do, please study the following scripture passages: Proverbs 27:5-6, Galatians 6:1, and Matthew 18:15-18.

You should confront your husband about his gambling problem. Do this is a way that honors and respects him, and shows your concern for his spiritual welfare. Be gentle. Find a time when he is likely to be relaxed, and open to hearing your concerns.

If he will not listen to you, follow the steps Jesus indicated in Matthew 18:16-17. At some point, your pastor may need to become involved.

I appreciate your desire to not cause your husband any embarrassment, but there may be no way to avoid it. Your husband must humble himself before the Lord, and seek his forgiveness

My guess is that your husband will need Christian counseling. Gambling is often an addiction, and he may need more help than you can give to him. Encourage your husband to get all the help he can get. Remember, Christian counseling is very different from secular counseling. To find a Christian counselor, talk to your pastor, or contact the National Association of Nouthetic Counselors. Their web site is at www.nanc.org.

After you and your husband deal with his gambling problem, seek out a Christian credit counselor to help you with your financial needs. Your pastor, or the NANC, may be able to make suggestions here, too.

Pray for your husband. Ask God, in the name of Jesus Christ, to give your husband wisdom and grace.

As you requested, I left your real name off the web site.

Thank you again for your email.

Pastor Jeff